The TDI's User Guide For: Duncan
by Winter-Rae
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a DUNCAN unit! In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your juvenile delinquent, bad boy, please follow the instructions inside.


**Winter-Rae:** Okay, so this is now a joint project with Vilecheese. I knew I was never gonna be able to write one for all of the characters, so I'm glad to have someone else working on these. He's written one for Owen and Trent, so check them out too. But for now, enjoy Duncan!

* * *

THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR

DUNCAN

Copyright Wawanakwa Ltd.

Congratulations!

You are now the proud owner of a DUNCAN unit! In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your juvenile delinquent, bad boy, please follow the instructions below.

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

NAME: Duncan; sometimes also referred to as 'Punk.'

TYPE: Human (male)

MANUFACTURES: Wawanakwa Ltd.

HEIGHT: 5'9

WEIGHT: Roughly 145 lbs

LENGTH: Ahem...Satisfaction guaranteed

COLOUR: black and green hair and blue eyes

**ACCESSORIES:**

Your DUNCAN unit comes complete with an accessory pack which should provide you with hours of mutual enjoyment. Units arrive fully dressed in jean shorts, a white long sleeved shirt, a black t-shirt, piercings and a collar via a cell cage. Also included are a knife and a lighter for many hours of vandalizing enjoyment.

Upon receiving your DUNCAN it is strongly recommended that you immediately remove his clothes, grab him by the collar and then put him into a nice bubble bath. This will keep his moving parts in good condition and fully functional. As your DUNCAN has recently been hit in the coconuts by a snapping turtle, you may have to climb in with him to ensure that all parts of him are adequately lathered. This procedure should be repeated as needed to ensure that his moving parts are kept well-lubricated and in fine working condition.

NOTE: Committed DUNCAN owners should ensure that their significant others are out or have other plans before doing this. Wawanakwa Ltd is not held responsible for any heart breaking breakups or hospital fees due to careless execution of this procedure in the company of a jealous significant other.

NOTE: Your DUNCAN will give you a pet name as soon as you take him out of his cage and bathe him. If you are uncomfortable with your pet name please return your DUNCAN for a full refund, odds are he won't change it. Some names we have been informed about are: Hold me touch me, Kiss me feel me, Yank me spank me, and fluffy.

For international buyers, Wawanakwa Ltd. accepts no liability for getting your unit through customs

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Your DUNCAN unit has been designed to be user friendly and efficient. His controls are voice activated and he will respond to instructions in English. You may have to speak firmly at sometimes since your DUNCAN has a problem with authority figures.

Aside from being both built and sexy without a shirt, your DUNCAN unit has many other uses.

_Wood Carving:_ Your DUNCAN has the amazing ability to carve for you, a wooden skull out or any piece of wood he can find. This includes, a table leg, a chair leg, into the walls, on the door of your home, etc.

_Flirting:_ This seems to be one of the most difficult traits of your DUNCAN to handle. It is suggested that you keep the flirting level to a minimum so it's easily controlled.

_Bullying:_ Have an annoying nerd or dweeb trying to hit on you? Well just activate this mode and your DUNCAN will have him gone. Unless of course said nerd or dweeb has a CHEF unit of their own, then this mode is rendered useless.

_Stealing...'Borrowing':_ Your DUNCAN is a pro when it comes to 'borrowing' things from your family and friends. Certainly people might find this rude but just explain that it's one of your DUNCAN's quirks. Wawanakwa Ltd. will not be held responsible if you and your DUNCAN get caught in your 'borrowing.'

**COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS:**

You will find that your DUNCAN unit is compatible with most of the other TDI units. Especially the COURTNEY unit; the GEOFF, DJ, and OWEN units; but only when the GUY'S ALLIANCE mode is activated; also the GWEN and HEATHER units. And only when the SLASH mode is activated will he be compatible with the HAROLD or TRENT units.

**CLEANING:**

Hand washing of the unit is both recommended and enjoyable for the owner. After showering, dry your DUNCAN by rubbing him briskly with a large towel. Do not tumble dry. Do not hang him on the washing line, unless you want your neighbours to gossip.

**PRECAUTIONS:**

Do not expose your DUNCAN unit to fire, strong magnetic fields, electricity, excessive humidity, Celine Dion music store standees, CHEF units, or shiny objects not nailed down least they mysteriously disappear.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:**

**Q:** Why does my DUNCAN grab onto my lip every time he's annoyed with me?

**A:** Your DUNCAN unit is also able to give piercings; we suggest keeping needles away from him if he continues to do this.

**Q:** Why does my DUNCAN keep staring at the stars and sighing?

**A:** We're very sorry. But your DUNCAN has entered into his LOVESICK mode. You went and let him have contact with a COURTNEY unit didn't you? Nice one, you just totally ruined his personality. We suggest returning him, unless you like that stuff. But why would you?

**Q:** Why does my DUNCAN sometimes insist on running around in the nude, dressed in nothing but a party hat?

**A:** It must be close to New Years, or as your DUNCAN likes to call it 'Nude Year.' Just tell him that his parole officer is going to be stopping by soon, that should get his clothes back on. But really, is this truly a bad thing?

**TROUBLESHOOTING:**

**Problem:** My DUNCAN unit keeps running after and making out with my LESHAWNA unit. But I want him with my COURTNEY unit. What's going on here?

**Solution:** Oh dear. You have accidentally been sent Winter-Rae's specially programmed DUNCAN unit. You better get that back to her as soon as possible before heads roll. You know how much Winter-Rae likes her LeDunca after all.

**Problem:** Whenever we take a walk, my DUNCAN hugs every goth girl he sees.

**Solution:** Your DUNCAN has recently formed a friendship with a GWEN unit. This has made him very comfortable with hugging goths. Keep him away from Emo kids however as his first instinct will be to hug them and say 'Save a life, hug an Emo.' Some Emo kids might not find this amusing.

**Problem:** All of my coffee mugs have disappeared and whenever I ask my DUNCAN where they might be he always says to 'search him' and wriggles his eyebrow at me.

**Solution:** Oohh, aren't you lucky! You've unlocked your DUNCAN's FRISKY mode. We highly recommend doing as he asks and searching him all over; preferably within the vicinity of a sofa, or a bedroom.

**FINAL NOTE:**

Should any other problems arise with your DUNCAN unit, please contact our help desk. In the case of un-resolvable differences, please return the unit for a complete refund.

Wawanakwa Ltd. accepts no responsibility for any and all legal problems brought about by said unit. All costs for replacing burnt or stolen property and for keeping the unit in good shape are entirely the owner's responsibility.

We at Wawanakwa Ltd. are sure that you will be very happy with your purchase, and should you follow the above instructions you will have many years of enjoyable service from the DUNCAN unit. Remember, a DUNCAN is not just for Valentine's Day; a DUNCAN is for life. (A message from Wawanakwa Ltd.)

* * *

**Winter-Rae:** Yep, I couldn't resist throwing in a hint of LeDunca in there. Can you blame me really? Oh and the nicknames thing, a joke from the 2005 version of the movie, The Producers. Excellent movie, I suggest it, hilarious! And I mean no offence to any Emo kids out there, it's just a joke! Anyway, thanks for reading. Cheers!


End file.
